Barney's Suicide Note

By the time you get to read this I will be dead. More than likely someone will take my place inside the costume and knowing the cheap bastard producers will not even clean the inside of the costume for the next sucker that wears the suit. I haven't taken a shower for a week and I've been wearing the suit commando style...payback is a bitch.

My name is Carlos and I had just graduated from college when one low life producer asked me if I was interested on fame and making money by subliminally holding hostage the intellectual development of children and direct it toward the purchase and consumerism of merchandise of "The Purple One" Barney. I was broke and didn't have any kids. I agreed.

The name Barney comes from the first guy that wore the suit, Barney Mitchel. I don't know much about what happened to him except that he is isolated in a mental institution. The suit smelled like him.

I cannot take the idea of continuing this farce of an existence. The suit is itchy. Baby Bop (Marissa Clark) and BJ (Tymothy Clark) are two retarded midget siblings that can move very well on those suits. All voices are dubbed (that is why you can't hear my heavy accent particularly when I mess up a song and I curse). I can't deal with them and seeing how the producers beat them when they don't perform right its just too much to bear.

Being Barney is a lonely existence. The kids are mean. They are mean because they are "farmed". If you notice closely those little bastards are allowed to performed after the parents pay hefty amounts to the producers. I cannot say anything about this since the day that I found a scorpion inside the suit with a note to keep quiet about the practice (I found the scorpion in the middle of a taping. They kept the footage and named the episode "Electric Dancing Barney". Anyway...the kids turn beligerant and nasty. The often refuse to sing or dance unless there is more pay, Red Bull energy drinks and or more lines for them. When the producers "retire" the children they bring the ones that are "playing" in the background of the episodes. They start them early often using psychological manipulation and food deprivation to submit them into the singing of those mind numbing songs.

My life has no meaning. I sing and move and my voice is not heard. I have no dating life since who would date or want to sleep with a guy that at any moment (a nervous tick I developed) will sing "I love you, you love me" or "The bear went over the mountain" I've developed scabs in my arms and groin area because of the suit too. I wish I was animated, but somehow all those fricking rugrats want to hug Barney. Do you know how many times I've been hit in the testicles? I doubt I can reproduce.

An existence like this is unbereable.